An American in England: Voiceless in the Referendum

On June 23rd, Brits across the country (and some in other countries) will be taking to the polls to vote in the Referendum. The question being put forth is whether the U.K. should remain in the European Union, or leave. You can't pick up a newspaper, switch on a television, or tune in to a radio station without hearing about the Referendum. As with every election, there is mud-slinging from both sides, "experts" from both sides, and people I love from both sides. But as the vote draws nearer and people's opinions become clearer I have to question: Do they love me?

I am finding it more and more challenging to believe people who call me "friend" honestly mean it if they are voting to leave the EU. See, my friends know my story of immigration. My friends know the British system wouldn't let me into the country with my British husband. My friends know I had to use European laws in order to settle in this country. So why would so many "friends" vote against the laws that brought my family home?

I know, I know, perhaps it's a bit inflammatory and even selfish of me to make such suggestions. But I can't help boil with rage when I hear a so-called friend say "there's just too many of them". Them. Them. The them they're talking about is me. They're talking about immigrants. Foreigners. Outcasts. When I hear someone say there's too many, I hear "Jacquelynn, you're not welcome here, we don't want you here, we don't accept you here. You don't contribute to our society, you do nothing to promote us, you do not belong."

The problem is that people think it's okay to say these things to me in the same way that some think it's okay to be racist because "I have a black friend". I'm sorry, having me as your friend does not give you permission to be xenophobic. In fact, because I am your friend is the exact reason you should NOT be xenophobic. You should be my champion, my supporter, my voice when I am left voiceless.

In the Referendum, I will be left voiceless. Never mind. Never mind that my life is here. Never mind I married my husband here. Never mind I gave birth to my son here. Never mind that I am establishing roots here. I'm not important enough to have a voice because I don't have a British passport.

So, friend, I implore you, be my voice. Vote to Remain in the EU.

An American in England: Baby's Got Two Passports

We've had a very busy few months. In January, we moved to a new home, and I restarted my Graduate Certificate, which I finished just a few weeks ago. Alexander has been busy with his teacher training, and he's got a job lined up for when he finishes. Baby boy is now a year old (where did the time go!), and we had a lovely birthday party to celebrate. I even made my first birthday cake...

During Alexander's Easter holiday, we were able to take a family trip to Dublin for a few days. It was really a lot of fun. We got to go to the zoo, have a pint of Guinness in the storehouse, tour an exhibit at the General Post Office on the Easter Rising of 1916, and lots of other cool stuff. It was a special time to be there since it was 100 years since the attempted revolution.

 

For me, the most exciting part of the past few months was getting our son's American passport. Not because the process of getting the passport was exciting, much the opposite in fact, but because it meant he had two passports before the age of one...fascinating for me as I didn't even have a single passport until I was 17! 

The actual process of getting the passport was fairly complicated. With his British passport, all we needed to do was send an application, photo, birth certificate, and reduced fee. A few weeks later, he had his passport, which is valid for 5 years. For the American passport, we needed to make an appointment at the embassy in London. Both Alexander and I had to go to the appointment, otherwise we would have needed to get an official document excusing the absent of one parent. In order to get the passport, we needed to also get a Consular Report of Birth Abroad (CRBA). The passport was $105, and the CRBA was $100. Along with the fees and applications, we needed: Alexander's passport, my passport, Baby's British Passport, our marriage certificate, my divorce decree from previous marriage, Baby's full birth certificate, proof of my residence in the U.S. To prove I had resided in the U.S. I had to show my high school transcripts, university transcripts, tax documents. We also had to apply for a Social Security Card. The appointment took about an hour, and they had a nice little play area for babies, but it really seemed to be a bit over-the-top to get a document that is valid for 5 years and will only be used when travelling in and out of the U.S.

Regardless of the hassle, I'm excited that my baby boy is lucky enough to have dual citizenship. When he's older, he may choose to only have one, but I'm glad that he's the one who will make the choice!

An American in England: Goodbye 2015!

Once again time has passed me by and I can't believe the year is coming to a close. This year has been one of stability, but incredible change. A week from now, Alexander and I will be celebrating one year in England, and the longest we've gone without changing address since we've been together. Two weeks from now we'll be marking the ninth month of our son's life, and reflect on how much he's grown and changed. Our days of quick weekend getaways are behind us, substituted by family outings. This New Year's Eve will not be spent in a foreign land as our previous ones, but instead at home...in pajamas.

People always say that parenthood is life-changing. I guess I used to think of it as a bit of cliché. I honestly never thought anything would come between me and my passion for travel.

I was wrong.

Of course I still dream of exotic lands and romantic escapes, but the one thing that brings me pure joy is watching my baby boy grow up and learn new things and discover the world around him. I do miss my days of travel, but not more than I adore my days spent with my little one. Now my dreams are not for myself but for my son. I want him to see the world. I want him to explore, to learn, to travel, to fall in love with adventure. I want to hold his hand as he experiences new aspects of life and I want to let go when it's time for him to have those experiences on his own.

This time of year is always filled with reflection. Looking back on 2015, the most amazing experience I had was the realization that I helped to create a tiny human. What's more amazing is that I will be responsible for shaping that tiny human into a unique, beautiful, curious young person, who will then hopefully become an interesting, kind-hearted, adventurous adult.

With the blessings of this year, I can hardly wait to see what next year has in store. For now, I'm just content holding my boys in my arms and soaking up the love from this family of three.

Happy New Year!  

An American in England: Time to settle down

It's crazy to think the last time I posted I was still living in Poland. The weather was cold, the days were short, and I was very pregnant. It's now six months since my last last post, this week is going to see a heat wave, it's still light at 9 o'clock in the evening, my beautiful baby is over six weeks old...and I'm living in England.

Tea time!

It's a lot different from the first time I moved to England. Back then, I didn't intend to stay. Alexander and I wanted to get married and then travel the world. Well, the original intention was living in Germany. Of course, that didn't quite go as planned, but we definitely traveled the world. This move to England though, the intention is to stay...permanently.

The problem is it's really not as easy as one would think. One of the reasons we didn't settle in the UK to start with was the massive visa fees and the fact that Alexander wasn't in a job since he was finishing University. There are many hurdles you have to leap as a British citizen to get your spouse into the UK, and one of them is an income threshold. Since Alexander wasn't working, he didn't meet that income threshold, and I could only come on a fiancee visa to get married. We just assumed we wouldn't be able to settle in the UK because of the strict immigration requirements. So we took a job in Indonesia, and then a job in Poland. Then one day we heard about the Surender Singh route.

Since Poland is part of the EU and we had established our life there, the Surender Singh route allowed for us to return to live in the UK due to the EU's free movement laws. So I was able to apply for an EEA family permit in order to move to the UK. This is only valid for six months, and even though I wouldn't legally need anything else to stay in the UK, it's much easier to travel in and out of the country if you have a Residence Card. So, when we arrived in January, I immediately applied for my residence card. I received my certificate of application within a few weeks, so I assumed it would be no time before I got the residence card. But February ended, then March passed, and by the time we got through April I started to get worried. Of course, there was no need to worry, and I finally got my Residence documentation this past week.

After four months of living in the UK, I finally feel like I am really living here. I went to get my library card and picked up an application to transfer my driving license. After the heartache I went through getting my Polish license, I am quite relieved it is a simple matter of switching it over. Now that our little one has arrived, we're happy to establish ourselves as a family of three and put down some roots. Of course, that doesn't mean our days of traveling are completely over... I just sent off for our baby's passport today :)

Team Ayton, ready to take on the world!

Willkommen in Polska: Do widzenia

Once again, time has flown by and I haven't written in about 4 months. It's really hard to believe, but my excuse is that I've been incredibly busy with work, a second job, an online graduate degree program, and being pregnant. But I think it's important that I make time for this post, since it's my last one from Poland.

The past few years have been filled with goodbyes, and I'm still not really good at them. As always, I don't think it's really hit me that I'm leaving for good. I'm excited to be seeing friends and family in the U.S., but I think it will just feel like a nice vacation before returning to work in Poland. That was actually the original plan, but life has its way of making other plans.

Poland has been a really unique experience. After living in Jakarta for a year, we had an awesome honeymoon period here. We had the opportunity to build up a school from the beginning. We were able to "learn" a new language (I'm not sure if we'll ever truly learn Polish as it's probably the most complicated language with a Roman alphabet). Most of all, we met some amazing people. Since Alexander and I have been together, Poland has been our home for a longer period than anywhere else that we've lived, so it will always be special to us.

Every time I leave a country, I say it's not "goodbye", but I'll "see you later". This year, I was able to return to Germany, just as I knew I would eventually. One day, Alexander and I will make the trek back to Jakarta to embrace our friends who we dearly miss. And sometime in the not so distant future we'll bring our little one to see our Polish home.

Dziękujemy, Polska. Na razie!

My Second Anniversary

On July 14, 2012, Alexander and I eloped. Since that time, we started dreaming of our big white wedding, and, honestly, I don't think either one of us thought it was ever going to happen. After two years, three trans-world moves, and countless e-mails to reception venues, photographers, and churches, Alexander and I finally had our Blessing of Marriage. And it was simply perfect.

Planning a wedding/blessing from another country is quite a challenge, but we managed to do it. We decided to have our blessing in the church where Alexander was baptized. This made a great sentimental connection, although the location was a challenge for some of our friends and family. Regardless, we had friends and family come from all over the world. It was a great show of where we've been, but also a huge testament to the bonds we've created with people.

The night before the blessing, we had a joint bachelor/ette party. It was the World Cup final, so we reserved a pub where we could watch the final and cheer for Argentina (well, Alex was cheering for Deutschland). We learned the hard way why you shouldn't have these kinds of parties the night before your big day. My "Man of Honor" was almost incapable of getting out of bed the next day and I had to layer on the concealer to cover the bags under my eyes. There were a few other casualties of this night due to an American from Wisconsin who decided to take shots with half our party. It was still a lot of fun and I'm glad we got to do it.

The morning of the blessing, I was grateful that the ceremony wasn't until 4 o'clock. This gave plenty of time to sleep off the hangover and start to feel somewhat human (I even managed to keep down a light lunch). When the photographer arrived, I started doing my hair and make-up. I've never been much of a girly girl, so I was kind of nervous about doing these things myself, but I think I managed. Once I had the hair and make-up done, I had my brother and a friend help me into my dress. It was actually quite an event to get into it, and I was quite proud of them for being able to lace up the bodice. I was made-up, dressed-up and ready to go when I got a call from Alexander. He hadn't left for the church yet.

The plan was for him to get to the church first. The plan was for him to call when he was going to the church so he would get there first. The plan was for him to be there when I arrived. As they say, the best laid plans. When I arrived at the church Alex wasn't there yet. So I patiently waited...for quite some time. When he finally did arrive, we were able to have a few moments alone before the ceremony. It was a really special time for us. From the entire day, I think that was possible the only time we had for just the two of us. We then had the ceremony, which went beautifully, and after the ceremony was the reception dinner and, of course, the dancing. We had an amazing time, and I wouldn't change anything about the day.

Exactly two years after saying, "I do", we got to renew our vows before God with our loved ones. After two years of laughing, crying, traveling, arguing, being healthy, being sick, all the good and all the bad, I know I wouldn't want to share my life with any one else. And I fall more in love everyday.

I love you, Alexander.

Wilkommen in Polska: Life is What Happens... While You're Busy Making Other Plans

It's hard to believe that it's been about two months since my last post. It's not that there hasn't been anything going on (we went to a First Communion celebration, we traveled to Szczecin, we found a new place to live), it's just that life has been incredibly busy (planning for the Blessing and Honeymoon in England/Scotland, working two jobs, applying for a Masters program).  Hopefully this post will give a full update of what's been going on.

Back in May, we were invited by one of my students to celebrate his First Communion, and the plan was to meet him and his family at the church. However, we underestimated how big First Communion is here in Poland. In simple words, it's a huge deal. The only time I've seen so many people in a church is on Easter Sunday in the Bible Belt. It was standing room only, and the nearest parking was probably a quarter mile away. Seeing as I was wearing rather high heels, we decided to just go to the after party.

There were about forty people at the house to celebrate: all of the brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, and, of course, grandma. We were informed that this was a typical Polish gathering. For holidays and birthdays the entire family always comes together to celebrate. It's actually pretty touching to see the importance of family in Polish culture. And it wouldn't be a Polish celebration without the food....LOTS of food. There was the first starter of soup, and another starter of something else. Then, there was a choice of chicken, beef or pork (or all three!) for the main dish. Then there were also some different cakes and pastries, and finally there were delicious strawberries. We were able to take home some amazing desserts!

In June, we went to a city called Szczecin, which is pronounced like "Shchechin". Szczecin has one of the largest ports in Poland, but it's still developing. A random point of interest in Szczecin is an Indian restaurant owned by a former Miss India, called Bombay. It was delicious and the interior is exquisite. Unfortunately, Szczecin didn't seem to have much else to offer. We tried finding the tourist office, but all the signs only directed us to the river.

Overall, the past few months have been pretty busy for us, and on top of it all we're getting ready for our big trip to the U.K. Although it's not my home country, there are definitely some things I'm homesick for in England. There's a special pub I'm looking forward to enjoying a cider in and I'm excited to have a Sunday roast again. Of course, I can't wait to see all our friends and family who will be celebrating our Blessing with us. Since we've been so busy, I think we'll especially enjoy our time away. Perhaps some distance will even help us better appreciate what we have here in Poland.

Willkommen in Polska: A Trip to Krakow and Auschwitz, and Exploring Polish Pride

Today is our 7-monthiversary here in Poland. Part of me feels like it has gone so quickly, but another part of me has felt the drag of time. It's more like some days fly by, while others never seem to end. However, this past week seems to have gone so quickly that I can hardly believe it's over.

St. Mary's Basilica

Last week, we had a four-day weekend, so we decided to visit the cultural capital of Poland: Krakow. Krakow is an immensely beautiful city and home to a vast history. There is a wide array of different cultures and nationalities represented and it's easy to see why Poles are so proud of it. We were there Thursday and Friday, and we saw the Old Town, had lunch on the Old Market Square, toured the former Jewish Ghetto, saw Tadeusz Pankiewicz's Apteka pod Orlem (Under the Eagle Pharmacy), went to Schindler's Factory (notable from the film Schindler's List), and walked around the Wawel Castle. It was enriching for our minds and good for our health (with all the walking). The weather also helped us enjoy the city. Thursday and Friday were gorgeous, sunny days, with temperatures in the mid to upper 20's C (upper 70's/low 80's F).

Gate at Schindler's Factory

During our tour of the former Jewish Ghetto, we were talking to our guide. He asked where we were from and was shocked that we wanted to live in Poland. He had previously traveled the world working on a cruise ship, but he was originally from Krakow. It was hard for him to believe that an American and an Englishman would want to live in Poland. In his head, we must be crazy. Perhaps we are, but I don't think it's because we want to live in Poland. Poland really is a beautiful country. It has forests, mountains, a coast, large cities, small towns. Between natural beauty and an emerging economy, Poland does have a lot to offer.

On the Saturday, we went to Auschwitz.

I never imagined I would go to Auschwitz. I didn't personally feel strong enough to face such horror. However, I felt a moral obligation to go. Since I was able to go, I felt it was my duty as a human being to see the history of the terror. It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I went.

By the time we got to Auschwitz, the weather had changed drastically. It was now cold and dangerously cloudy. Since it was a holiday weekend, we were standing in line for about an hour and a half to get into the museum. Once inside, we were shown a short video to give some background about Auschwitz 1, Auschwitz 2-Birkenau, and Auschwitz 3-Monowitz. After the film, we went outside to start the tour. It had started raining, so we had to buy some ponchos from the gift shop. The temperature had also dropped to 6 C (43 F). It was a sobering experience to go through Auschwitz it such miserable weather, knowing that the prisoners would have experienced the same weather in little more than pajamas and a thin pair of shoes, all the while starving and being forced into labor.

For me, a great tragedy of Auschwitz is the silence about the Polish prisoners. I remember learning in my history classes about the Jews, the Gypsies, and even the Soviet POW's, but I was never told that the first victims of Auschwitz were the Poles. The second largest group of people in Auschwitz were the Poles, and they were actually forced to build Auschwitz in the beginning. And it wasn't only in Auschwitz that the Poles were terrorized.

Under Nazi occupation, Polish was banned. Speaking Polish was punishable by prison, or even death. The greatest minds of Poland were sent to camps. The intention of the Nazis was to completely crush the Polish culture, Polish traditions, and Polish people. By the end of World War 2, the United Kingdom had lost 1% of its population to the war, Germany had lost 7-10%, and Poland had lost 16-20%. Poland had the greatest impact on its population due to the war. And after the occupation of the Nazis ended, the occupation of the Soviets began.

Poland had declared its independence November 11, 1918 and just over 20 years later it was occupied by the Nazis. From 1939-1945 the Nazis were in charge and then the Soviets took control starting in 1945. In 1989, the Soviets began their fall, and Poland had its first democratically elected leader, Lech Wałęsa, in 1990. In the past 90 years, Poland has spent 50 of them under occupation, and this is reflected in the mindset.

Most Poles that I talk to seem to have no pride in their country. They think because their economy is weaker than the U.K.'s or the U.S.' that their country isn't as good. They don't understand why anyone would want to move here and they're fighting to move out. But I think the Poles have so much to be proud of.

History has proved that the Poles are a strong, resilient people. They have fought for their freedom and have retained their culture in the face of adversity. In just the past century, there was the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising of 1943, the Warsaw Uprising of 1944, the Cursed Soldiers who resisted both the Nazis and the Soviets, and the Solidarity movement which helped bring down the Soviet rule in Poland. Against all odds, the Poles have rose up and taken charge of their fate. Even when they lost, they got up again and kept on fighting. This is a tradition that every Pole should take pride in. And I hope someday soon they will.

Willkommen in Polska: Personal Space and Lines

In 5 days, we'll be celebrating our 6-monthiversary here in Poland. There aren't nearly as many culture shocks as we had in Jakarta, but there are still a few things that take some getting used to. One of these things is personal space.

As an American, personal space is VERY important to me. I have strict cultural rules concerning personal space. This cultural programming is especially acute when in certain situations, such as at a doctor's office or the check-out line at a grocery store.

Here in Poland, there seems to be a different expectation when it comes to personal space in lines. A few weeks back, I went to the doctor's office to renew a prescription. I was standing at the reception counter talking to the receptionist, when someone else came into the office. While I was still talking, the person came up and stood next to me. I still don't know enough Polish to speak my mind, but I was incredibly flustered at the situation. I didn't feel it was the business of a complete stranger to know what I was doing at the doctor's office.

This could have been written off as a one-time experience, but I've also had issues at the grocery store. I'll admit, there isn't a large amount of space between the aisles and the check-out, but when a complete stranger bumps me in my rear end not once, not twice, but three times, I get kind of frustrated. Actually, very frustrated. After the third time, I didn't care about speaking Polish, I just turned and exclaimed, "Stop touching me!" (I may have included an expletive as well).

Even today at the post office I had an issue. When I entered, the two open windows were already occupied, so I stood several feet away in the middle of the two windows. When one window became free, I approached the counter. During my time at the counter, a line formed behind me. Well, not behind me so much as next to me. Right at my shoulder and old lady was inching closer and closer to make sure she was served next.

I honestly have no idea why Poles are generally more comfortable with less personal space, but I'm not the only one to notice it. And although there are things I can easily get used to, such as shaking hands every time I come across someone I know, personal space is something I value dearly. So, please, if you're a stranger, just don't touch me.

Willkommen in Polska: Doctors, and Bloodwork, and Pills, Oh My!

About a month ago, I started getting horrible pains in my stomach and other discomforts in that area, so I decided to go to the doctor. This is not as simple as calling for an appointment, seeing as my Polish is still incredibly limited. Thus, I had to have my boss call around and find a doctor that could communicate in English, or German, or Spanish, or French. He managed to find a doctor who claimed he had a decent knowledge of English and an appointment was made.

I arrived at the doctor's office and told reception, "Jestem Jacquelynn Ayton. Mam 'termin'." They responded in fast Polish that I could barely decipher, so I added "Przepraszam, jestem z Ameryki", to which they used some hand motions for translation. I went through to the waiting room and expected to hear my name. 

As I sat waiting, I noticed people were just going into the doctor's office one after another. The time of my appointment had come and gone, and I realized that, apparently, people were in line and the appointment was superfluous. Unable to communicate in order to find out the order, my husband assured me that he knew who I was supposed to follow.

When I entered the doctor's room I greeted him with a polite "Dzien dobry" and then "Jestem z Ameryki", to which he responded, "Ah, USA, very good" through and incredibly thick accent. He motioned for me to sit down and then waited for me to start talking. I explained my problems using slow English and small words, and then he asked me a few things such as, "Drugs?", "Pregnancy?". I deduced his meanings of 'Are you on any medication?' and 'Are you pregnant?' and responded with a "No... I don't think so?" (isn't HE supposed to tell ME if I'm pregnant? But I'm not, so it's okay, and I digress) After the broken English questions, he asked me to stand up. 

He said "prendre votre chemise", which confused me, but my husband quickly translated the French and I raised my shirt. Then he said "tief atmen" and I was again startled by the change in language, but understood the German command to breath deeply. He then had me lay on the bed. "Where hurt?" and I directed him to the general location. At that moment, his cell phone rang. I thought he would ignore it. He didn't. I thought he would quickly say he was with a patient. He didn't. While I was laying on the bed with my shirt up and pants unzipped, the doctor had a good 5-10 minute conversation before informing the person on the other end he was with a patient. 

After some very painful poking and prodding, the doctor had me get dressed again and sit down. He suspected something called gastritis, prescribed me three different medications, and gave me referrals for blood work, urine analysis, and a gastroscopy.

The first thing to deal with was going to the Apteka to get my medication. I easily handed over the prescription and paid with little incident...until I looked in the bag. I had three different medications and no clue as to how much or how often I was supposed to take each one. We hurried back into the pharmacy, only to discover the person I had dealt with had disappeared, and so I had to try to communicate my situation to a different person. I started with "Przepraszam, jestem z Ameryki" and then attempted to continue with "Mam trzy i nie wiem...uh...nie wiem..." before I gave up and explained the problem auf deutsch. Luckily, one of Alexander's students works there and she came over to assist us.

After my first experience at the doctor's office, I was prepared for a line when I went to get my blood work, and I had learned how to ask about the order. We arrived just before opening time, but there was already a line for the blood work, so I asked "Kto jest ostatni?" and an old lady informed me she was. Shortly thereafter, an old man asked who was last and I said I was. It seemed to work fairly painlessly, until old lady 2 came and got it a little confused. The order was supposed to be old lady, me, old man, and then old lady 2. However, old lady 2 didn't think she needed to wait. So after waiting for nearly an hour, when it was time for old lady to go in, she let old lady 2 go in front of her, even though old man had argued with them about the line order. Regardless, I was able to get in for my blood work, which took no more than two minutes. I'm still fascinated as to why it took them an hour to get through 10 people.

I still have to wait a few weeks before I can have the gastroscopy. I've done a lot of research in an attempt to prepare myself for what to expect, but I'm not sure if research will completely prepare me for what Poland has to offer. I've experienced a doctor's office in the US, the UK, Spain, Indonesia and now Poland, and I must say, Poland is quite unique. But at least they get the job done.....I hope.