An American in England: Voiceless in the Referendum

On June 23rd, Brits across the country (and some in other countries) will be taking to the polls to vote in the Referendum. The question being put forth is whether the U.K. should remain in the European Union, or leave. You can't pick up a newspaper, switch on a television, or tune in to a radio station without hearing about the Referendum. As with every election, there is mud-slinging from both sides, "experts" from both sides, and people I love from both sides. But as the vote draws nearer and people's opinions become clearer I have to question: Do they love me?

I am finding it more and more challenging to believe people who call me "friend" honestly mean it if they are voting to leave the EU. See, my friends know my story of immigration. My friends know the British system wouldn't let me into the country with my British husband. My friends know I had to use European laws in order to settle in this country. So why would so many "friends" vote against the laws that brought my family home?

I know, I know, perhaps it's a bit inflammatory and even selfish of me to make such suggestions. But I can't help boil with rage when I hear a so-called friend say "there's just too many of them". Them. Them. The them they're talking about is me. They're talking about immigrants. Foreigners. Outcasts. When I hear someone say there's too many, I hear "Jacquelynn, you're not welcome here, we don't want you here, we don't accept you here. You don't contribute to our society, you do nothing to promote us, you do not belong."

The problem is that people think it's okay to say these things to me in the same way that some think it's okay to be racist because "I have a black friend". I'm sorry, having me as your friend does not give you permission to be xenophobic. In fact, because I am your friend is the exact reason you should NOT be xenophobic. You should be my champion, my supporter, my voice when I am left voiceless.

In the Referendum, I will be left voiceless. Never mind. Never mind that my life is here. Never mind I married my husband here. Never mind I gave birth to my son here. Never mind that I am establishing roots here. I'm not important enough to have a voice because I don't have a British passport.

So, friend, I implore you, be my voice. Vote to Remain in the EU.

An American in England: Baby's Got Two Passports

We've had a very busy few months. In January, we moved to a new home, and I restarted my Graduate Certificate, which I finished just a few weeks ago. Alexander has been busy with his teacher training, and he's got a job lined up for when he finishes. Baby boy is now a year old (where did the time go!), and we had a lovely birthday party to celebrate. I even made my first birthday cake...

During Alexander's Easter holiday, we were able to take a family trip to Dublin for a few days. It was really a lot of fun. We got to go to the zoo, have a pint of Guinness in the storehouse, tour an exhibit at the General Post Office on the Easter Rising of 1916, and lots of other cool stuff. It was a special time to be there since it was 100 years since the attempted revolution.

 

For me, the most exciting part of the past few months was getting our son's American passport. Not because the process of getting the passport was exciting, much the opposite in fact, but because it meant he had two passports before the age of one...fascinating for me as I didn't even have a single passport until I was 17! 

The actual process of getting the passport was fairly complicated. With his British passport, all we needed to do was send an application, photo, birth certificate, and reduced fee. A few weeks later, he had his passport, which is valid for 5 years. For the American passport, we needed to make an appointment at the embassy in London. Both Alexander and I had to go to the appointment, otherwise we would have needed to get an official document excusing the absent of one parent. In order to get the passport, we needed to also get a Consular Report of Birth Abroad (CRBA). The passport was $105, and the CRBA was $100. Along with the fees and applications, we needed: Alexander's passport, my passport, Baby's British Passport, our marriage certificate, my divorce decree from previous marriage, Baby's full birth certificate, proof of my residence in the U.S. To prove I had resided in the U.S. I had to show my high school transcripts, university transcripts, tax documents. We also had to apply for a Social Security Card. The appointment took about an hour, and they had a nice little play area for babies, but it really seemed to be a bit over-the-top to get a document that is valid for 5 years and will only be used when travelling in and out of the U.S.

Regardless of the hassle, I'm excited that my baby boy is lucky enough to have dual citizenship. When he's older, he may choose to only have one, but I'm glad that he's the one who will make the choice!

An American in England: Goodbye 2015!

Once again time has passed me by and I can't believe the year is coming to a close. This year has been one of stability, but incredible change. A week from now, Alexander and I will be celebrating one year in England, and the longest we've gone without changing address since we've been together. Two weeks from now we'll be marking the ninth month of our son's life, and reflect on how much he's grown and changed. Our days of quick weekend getaways are behind us, substituted by family outings. This New Year's Eve will not be spent in a foreign land as our previous ones, but instead at home...in pajamas.

People always say that parenthood is life-changing. I guess I used to think of it as a bit of cliché. I honestly never thought anything would come between me and my passion for travel.

I was wrong.

Of course I still dream of exotic lands and romantic escapes, but the one thing that brings me pure joy is watching my baby boy grow up and learn new things and discover the world around him. I do miss my days of travel, but not more than I adore my days spent with my little one. Now my dreams are not for myself but for my son. I want him to see the world. I want him to explore, to learn, to travel, to fall in love with adventure. I want to hold his hand as he experiences new aspects of life and I want to let go when it's time for him to have those experiences on his own.

This time of year is always filled with reflection. Looking back on 2015, the most amazing experience I had was the realization that I helped to create a tiny human. What's more amazing is that I will be responsible for shaping that tiny human into a unique, beautiful, curious young person, who will then hopefully become an interesting, kind-hearted, adventurous adult.

With the blessings of this year, I can hardly wait to see what next year has in store. For now, I'm just content holding my boys in my arms and soaking up the love from this family of three.

Happy New Year!  

An American in England: Time to settle down

It's crazy to think the last time I posted I was still living in Poland. The weather was cold, the days were short, and I was very pregnant. It's now six months since my last last post, this week is going to see a heat wave, it's still light at 9 o'clock in the evening, my beautiful baby is over six weeks old...and I'm living in England.

Tea time!

It's a lot different from the first time I moved to England. Back then, I didn't intend to stay. Alexander and I wanted to get married and then travel the world. Well, the original intention was living in Germany. Of course, that didn't quite go as planned, but we definitely traveled the world. This move to England though, the intention is to stay...permanently.

The problem is it's really not as easy as one would think. One of the reasons we didn't settle in the UK to start with was the massive visa fees and the fact that Alexander wasn't in a job since he was finishing University. There are many hurdles you have to leap as a British citizen to get your spouse into the UK, and one of them is an income threshold. Since Alexander wasn't working, he didn't meet that income threshold, and I could only come on a fiancee visa to get married. We just assumed we wouldn't be able to settle in the UK because of the strict immigration requirements. So we took a job in Indonesia, and then a job in Poland. Then one day we heard about the Surender Singh route.

Since Poland is part of the EU and we had established our life there, the Surender Singh route allowed for us to return to live in the UK due to the EU's free movement laws. So I was able to apply for an EEA family permit in order to move to the UK. This is only valid for six months, and even though I wouldn't legally need anything else to stay in the UK, it's much easier to travel in and out of the country if you have a Residence Card. So, when we arrived in January, I immediately applied for my residence card. I received my certificate of application within a few weeks, so I assumed it would be no time before I got the residence card. But February ended, then March passed, and by the time we got through April I started to get worried. Of course, there was no need to worry, and I finally got my Residence documentation this past week.

After four months of living in the UK, I finally feel like I am really living here. I went to get my library card and picked up an application to transfer my driving license. After the heartache I went through getting my Polish license, I am quite relieved it is a simple matter of switching it over. Now that our little one has arrived, we're happy to establish ourselves as a family of three and put down some roots. Of course, that doesn't mean our days of traveling are completely over... I just sent off for our baby's passport today :)

Team Ayton, ready to take on the world!

Wilkommen in Polska: Life is What Happens... While You're Busy Making Other Plans

It's hard to believe that it's been about two months since my last post. It's not that there hasn't been anything going on (we went to a First Communion celebration, we traveled to Szczecin, we found a new place to live), it's just that life has been incredibly busy (planning for the Blessing and Honeymoon in England/Scotland, working two jobs, applying for a Masters program).  Hopefully this post will give a full update of what's been going on.

Back in May, we were invited by one of my students to celebrate his First Communion, and the plan was to meet him and his family at the church. However, we underestimated how big First Communion is here in Poland. In simple words, it's a huge deal. The only time I've seen so many people in a church is on Easter Sunday in the Bible Belt. It was standing room only, and the nearest parking was probably a quarter mile away. Seeing as I was wearing rather high heels, we decided to just go to the after party.

There were about forty people at the house to celebrate: all of the brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, and, of course, grandma. We were informed that this was a typical Polish gathering. For holidays and birthdays the entire family always comes together to celebrate. It's actually pretty touching to see the importance of family in Polish culture. And it wouldn't be a Polish celebration without the food....LOTS of food. There was the first starter of soup, and another starter of something else. Then, there was a choice of chicken, beef or pork (or all three!) for the main dish. Then there were also some different cakes and pastries, and finally there were delicious strawberries. We were able to take home some amazing desserts!

In June, we went to a city called Szczecin, which is pronounced like "Shchechin". Szczecin has one of the largest ports in Poland, but it's still developing. A random point of interest in Szczecin is an Indian restaurant owned by a former Miss India, called Bombay. It was delicious and the interior is exquisite. Unfortunately, Szczecin didn't seem to have much else to offer. We tried finding the tourist office, but all the signs only directed us to the river.

Overall, the past few months have been pretty busy for us, and on top of it all we're getting ready for our big trip to the U.K. Although it's not my home country, there are definitely some things I'm homesick for in England. There's a special pub I'm looking forward to enjoying a cider in and I'm excited to have a Sunday roast again. Of course, I can't wait to see all our friends and family who will be celebrating our Blessing with us. Since we've been so busy, I think we'll especially enjoy our time away. Perhaps some distance will even help us better appreciate what we have here in Poland.

Home

Alexander and I recently spoke with an immigration attorney in the U.K. and discovered that in order for us to live there, we would have to be separated for a time. The attorney said Alex would have to get a job in the U.K. and work for at least a month before I could file my documents to process a visa which would take a few more weeks. During that time, I would have to be in the U.S. and so I would be separated from my husband for a few months, or even longer if my visa were denied. We couldn't go through all that. Not again.

After this news, I talked to my grandma about our current plan, which is to stay in Poland indefinitely. My grandma did NOT take the news lightly. She hates the thought of her grandkids being bullied, and that is effectively what is happening by the UK Border Agency. We can't live where we want to live because because my passport isn't from the "right" country, so we're being bullied into staying somewhere we never intended to live. I'm not complaining about Poland, it's a nice place, but it's not where we saw ourselves settling. So, through tears and sobs my grandma cried, "Why can't you just come home?"

Home.

Dictionary.com defines this noun as:

a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.

By this definition, my home is Kostrzyn nad Odra, Poland, so, grandma, I am home. Of course, that's not what grandma meant. The second definition is:

the place in which one's domestic affections are centered.

By this definition, my affections (fond attachment, devotion, or love) lie with my husband, who lives in Kostrzyn nad Odra, Poland, so, once again, I am home. Yet, this was also not what grandma meant.

When my grandma made her tearful request, she meant I should just take myself and my husband and move to the U.S. The problem is, quite simply, that's not our home. My husband is British with family in the U.K., his parents live in France, our first home as a married couple was Indonesia, my family lives all over the U.S, and we now live in Poland. What is our home?

Excuse me, dictionary.com, but I have my own definition of home, which can't be summarized with a cursory handful of words. Home is waking up to my husband's kisses and a cup of coffee. Home is teasing my husband about losing his British vocabulary after time away from his native country. Home is trying new recipes and having my husband devour each one of them, even when they don't turn out quite right. Home is arguing over who should wash the dishes or take out the trash and then laughing over such silly arguments (perhaps after a few hours of moping). Home is falling asleep next to my husband and grabbing him in the night when I have a bad dream. Home is happiness, laughter, and love.

And I beg your pardon, U.K. Border Agency, but you have no right to separate a home.

An American in England: My next great adventure

I have now been in England for nearly three months and I'm preparing to move on to my next location: Indonesia via France. My three months here have not exactly been the best. It has been the rainiest English summer in the past century, my husband and I started off searching non-stop for jobs and once we found a job, started studying non-stop to get our TEFL certification. However, we have managed to find a job, and are a test away from certification, which are definitely good things.

I will be working as an English teacher with a company called English First. My husband and I were able to both get jobs with the same company. We happened to find the position by chance while looking for positions for couples. Through our research we discovered that companies are more likely to hire couples than individuals because couples are more likely to be established and willing to make more of a commitment to the position as compared to an individual who might get homesick and want to leave. We had our search narrowed down to positions in Russia, Turkey and Indonesia, and finally decided Indonesia had the most attractive contract for us. We'll be teaching English to a range of students, from 3-year olds to business people, for the duration of a one year contract.

map of Indonesia

In order to travel to and get visas in Indonesia, we've had to run around to prepare things. We needed to get an HIV test, drugs test, vaccinations and health screenings. We got our HIV test in Redditch, drugs test in Birmingham, vaccinations in two different Redditch locations, and health screenings on two different days in London. Although it was a very hectic two weeks, we were able to at least enjoy our time in London with friends and family. A college friend of Alexander came out with us to dinner and we were able to spend time with Alexander's brother James and James' girlfriend, Julie.

Other than running around to get all our testing and shots, we've also been studying to get a TEFL certification. We signed up for a 100-hour online course, which we finally completed, and now we just have to take a test to get certified. We aren't required to have a TEFL certification for our position in Indonesia, but we decided it would be better for future endeavors if we had certification. Eventually, we might just travel the world as teachers... who knows.

An American in England: How to not take sunny summers for granted

I have now been in England for a month and a half and homesickness is creeping up on me. Of course I am quite happy that I made the decision to move here and be with my now husband, but there are certain things that I expect a summer to entail, which this British summer has been horribly lacking.

Every summer in my memory has been hot and sunny. I have always developed a tan, become noticibly blonder, craved the beach, ate lots of watermelon, kept an ample supply of sun lotion or after sun lotion, and generally complained about the inability to cool off. This summer, however, I am nearly as white as my British husband, my hair color hasn't changed, I've searched for excuses to stay inside, I've barely seen the sun and I find myself wrapped up under blankets in a feeble attempt to keep warm.

The weather forecasters blame the jet stream for this unusually cool and rainy summer. I've been informed by natives that even for England this weather is not the norm. Regardless of why it's been pissing it down (to use a British term), I am quite honestly done with it.

On the bright side, the sun is shining today. I've been able to go for a run the past two days thanks to the forgiving weather, and getting outside definitely helps to dissipate feelings of homesickness. The forecasters are predicting warmer weather and sunnier skies this coming week. We've even popped a tent in the back yard and are going to have a bar-b-q tomorrow. Hopefully, the rain was just a phase that we've finally got over, and I will be happy to see my homesickness follow it out.

One Year Later: Life, Love and Living in England

It has been a whole year since my last post, and as always it has been quite eventful for me.

I spent my last year working as a full-time volunteer for a not-for-profit organization in Washington, D.C. called City Year. If you're scratching your head and wondering how "full-time" and "volunteer" go together, suffice it to say they shouldn't. It was an incredibly awarding and challenging position and hands-down the most difficult experience I have ever had in my life.

The basic idea of City Year is to bring together a group of 17-24 year olds for one year of full-time volunteer service in inner-city schools to be mentors, tutors and role models in order to end the dropout crisis. I went into the program bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and ready to change the world. After all, the motto is give a year, change the world. I expected the students to be rough, but I was far from prepared for what exactly "rough" meant. The vocabulary of students often didn't extend beyond four-letter words, many times those words were directed toward adults in the school, a day without a fight was a success, seeing students covered in tattoos or pregnant was commonplace. I worked in a high school, which is grades 9-12, and specifically I worked with 9th grade repeaters. This meant, some of my students were 16, 17 or even 18 years old in the 9th grade. I could write a book of my opinions on the causes and solutions, but I'll just leave it by saying the challenge of ending the dropout crisis will not be solved in one year by a handful of young idealists, it will take the entire country to understand this is a real and costly problem that everyone must work together to solve.

The proposal!

On to the love section, I got engaged! I met my fiancé, Alexander, while living in Germany. He was also an English Teaching Assistant, but he was from England, so of course everytime we met up I had to tease him about his accent and explain that he couldn't speak English properly. We stayed in touch after we left Germany, and eventually we realized we belong together. He proposed to me on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on November 10, 2011, and we'll have our wedding ceremony in Karlsruhe, Germany (the last place we visited together in Germany) on July 4, 2013. The whole story of how we met and the proposal is on our website.

Of course, nothing can be simple and straightforward with international romance, so we've had a lot of decisions to make in a short time. We spent seven months away from eachother. Well, not the entire seven months. He visited me for Christmas and New Year, a few weeks for Valentine's Day, a few weeks for Easter and finally he came to see my City Year graduation and pick me up to bring me with him to England. Still, seven months of Skype conversations, a 5-hour time difference and a 4,000 mile distance is far too much for two people in love. So, we looked into visas and figured out how to avoid having to be separated again.

After much research, I decided to get a non-settlement visa for marriage in the U.K. Why non-settlement? We decided we would like to go back to Germany for a while and eventually to the U.S., so there would be no reason to pay thousands of dollars to get a visa to settle in the U.K. for two years when we wouldn't even be here for that long. Why marriage? We realized in order to avoid any more separation, the odds would be more in our favor if we were spouses as opposed to just engaged. Thus, we'll be having our beautiful German wedding ceremony with family and friends on July 4, 2013, but for visa/legal purposes we're getting legally married on July 14, 2012. Yes, in two weeks.

That brings me to my final chapter: Living in England. I arrived in London's Heathrow airport on June 6th. From there it was a whirlwind of meeting my new family. I met Alexander's father, mother, sister, aunt, uncle,  a few cousins, grandmother, grandmother's dog, best friends and the most important member of the family, Angus (the family dog). And all that was in the first 5 days. Eight days after I arrived, we had to go to Birmingham to give our Notice of Marriage. This is an official thing that we have to do to let the government know we're getting married, so they can check and make sure we're legally able to get married and then send us the papers confirming we are allowed to get married. Usually it takes 7-10 days to receive the papers, but seeing as I'm an international divorceé it's taking longer...we're still waiting.

On the 15th of June we went to London so I could meet Alexander's brothers. Unfortunately, I got a kidney infection, wasn't able to meet the brothers and spent my Friday night in London in the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. I  was released the next day and got to meet a cousin of Alex, but it still was NOT the weekend I had hoped for.

At graduation ball

Besides my first few days of excitement, life in England has been pretty quiet. We're living with Alexander's nan (grandmother) and spending most of our days job searching. I've seen a lot of the Midlands including Stratford-upon-Avon, the birthplace of Shakespeare. We went to a graduation ball last week to celebrate Alexander's graduation. He'll be graduating with a 2.1 Degree! It's been fun to learn all the English words and figure out the American translations for them. I've thought about writing an English-American dictionary. Maybe that's what I can do with all my new-found free time...