Home

Alexander and I recently spoke with an immigration attorney in the U.K. and discovered that in order for us to live there, we would have to be separated for a time. The attorney said Alex would have to get a job in the U.K. and work for at least a month before I could file my documents to process a visa which would take a few more weeks. During that time, I would have to be in the U.S. and so I would be separated from my husband for a few months, or even longer if my visa were denied. We couldn't go through all that. Not again.

After this news, I talked to my grandma about our current plan, which is to stay in Poland indefinitely. My grandma did NOT take the news lightly. She hates the thought of her grandkids being bullied, and that is effectively what is happening by the UK Border Agency. We can't live where we want to live because because my passport isn't from the "right" country, so we're being bullied into staying somewhere we never intended to live. I'm not complaining about Poland, it's a nice place, but it's not where we saw ourselves settling. So, through tears and sobs my grandma cried, "Why can't you just come home?"

Home.

Dictionary.com defines this noun as:

a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.

By this definition, my home is Kostrzyn nad Odra, Poland, so, grandma, I am home. Of course, that's not what grandma meant. The second definition is:

the place in which one's domestic affections are centered.

By this definition, my affections (fond attachment, devotion, or love) lie with my husband, who lives in Kostrzyn nad Odra, Poland, so, once again, I am home. Yet, this was also not what grandma meant.

When my grandma made her tearful request, she meant I should just take myself and my husband and move to the U.S. The problem is, quite simply, that's not our home. My husband is British with family in the U.K., his parents live in France, our first home as a married couple was Indonesia, my family lives all over the U.S, and we now live in Poland. What is our home?

Excuse me, dictionary.com, but I have my own definition of home, which can't be summarized with a cursory handful of words. Home is waking up to my husband's kisses and a cup of coffee. Home is teasing my husband about losing his British vocabulary after time away from his native country. Home is trying new recipes and having my husband devour each one of them, even when they don't turn out quite right. Home is arguing over who should wash the dishes or take out the trash and then laughing over such silly arguments (perhaps after a few hours of moping). Home is falling asleep next to my husband and grabbing him in the night when I have a bad dream. Home is happiness, laughter, and love.

And I beg your pardon, U.K. Border Agency, but you have no right to separate a home.

Jacque in Jakarta: My Anniversary

On July 14, my husband and I will be celebrating our first year of marriage. We'll be going to Yogyakarta, the cultural capital of Java, and we'll get to see Borobudur, the largest Buddhist temple in the world. I'm super excited about both of those experiences, but above all I'm excited about celebrating our anniversary. Especially since I didn't dream that day would come.

I guess you could say my husband and I have the traditional story with a slight twist. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they live in denial, they confess their love, they get married. But to add our twist it was more like: British boy meets American girl, they fall in love in Germany, they live in denial on opposite sides of the Atlantic, they confess their love over a Skype call, they get married in England on Bastille Day. That part of our story is complicated enough, but there were a few added complications.

To be honest, we didn't have the money to get married. Well, we didn't have the money to have a wedding. Logically, if you don't have money, you shouldn't get married. However, I don't think logic has ever been in a trans-Atlantic relationship. For those of you who have suffered long distance, you know it's just not an option for the long run. So we decided to get married without money, which means we eloped.

Our grand idea was that we would just elope and then eventually save the money for a big wedding. Of course, that didn't make everyone happy. There were family members who were hurt that they couldn't sit with us in the tiny registry office to watch us exchange rings and vows. And I'll admit, we were a bit deluded. We kept saying, "it's only the legal bit, the big celebration for family will be later." We had in our mind that our love was too special, too big for that tiny registry office and we wanted to celebrate with the whole world...when we had the money.

Looking back, I realize that hindsight really is 20/20. It may have been a mistake to bar people from that legal ceremony. Even with the best of intentions, we ended up unwittingly hurting people we love, which is not something either of us would ever want to do.

That being said, even though there may be some things that I regret, the most important thing I don't regret. I don't regret marrying the man that I love. I feel so privileged and proud that I get to call Alexander Paul Ayton my husband. I never dreamed that I would find such a perfect match for me and I thank God every day for giving me such a wonderful husband. He's not perfect, but neither am I. And our imperfections compliment each other completely.

I love you, Alexander.